September 19th, 2021 [20:20] Happy today cause I fixed up some of my bedroom. My mom and I worked together to put shelves above my desk and a mirror on the wall next to my bed. There's also a bulletin board above my desk now, cause I've always wanted one. Put fairy lights along the shelves so it's super cozy. My grandma gave me a new office chair which is SO much more comfortable than the wooden kitchen chair I'd been using for ages. Unhappy in general with how much junk I have eaten not just this weekend but on regular days too. I've gained weight like a fat fucking pig and my skin is probably going to break out. I've binged the fuck out of Sex Education on Netflix and have already reached season 3 and the show is surprisingly good, considering I fucking hate sex scenes. Great soundtrack. September 17th, 2021 [22:11] Shit, I know it's been a month but I am still alive. Admittedly I did forget about my site for a while and only just now remembered that I should probably update or something. Just to say that I'm okay. Well I wasn't okay for a minute (more than a minute) but things have calmed down. To sum it up I had a shit argument with my mom, surprise surprise, and she wants me out after graduation. Out as in she wants to kick me out and doesn't care where I go or what the fuck happens to me lol. Cool right? Anyway school started back up a month ago to the day and it's been pretty chill which I'm very happy about. I got a bad cold and had to miss almost two full weeks worth of classes but I didn't fall behind much. I'm in love with someone who has been inactive for god knows how long, so they'll probably never see that I tried to message them. Not on here of course but a (shocker) dating app. Yes I love him. Yes that's such a stupid thing to say considering most guys are fuckboys and the fact that it's on a fucking dating app and that I've never interacted with him aside from visiting his profile 30 times a day. His inactivity probably means that he's in a happy relationship with some lucky girl, or he got bored of the app and deleted it. Manifesting his return. I just got to thinking about how much I've matured since I first made my OG site on Neocities. It's crazy to think that I was only in 8th grade back then, and now I'm in my last year of college. I'll go to university and study criminology if I get in next year. Maybe meet some better friends. I hope I'm one of those people who can turn their life around and leave behind their shitty past. Actually looking forward to it. August 12th, 2021 [15:25] Bought a really pretty dress at H&M, but the cashier didn't fucking remove the alarm so I have to go back with the receipt and get it taken off. Also stopped by Brandy Melville in person for the first time, I did buy the Tate Langdon-looking sweater online earlier this year. From BM, I got a short sleeve baseball t-shirt and a cute tank top. I love getting new clothes. They had a nice skirt on display, but it wasn't being sold in the actual store for some reason? Maybe I can find it on the website. Ok, I went on the site and the names of the tops I got are: Bella Rib Top in Ivory And Blue, Ronnie Strawberry Fields '96 Tour Tank. Couldn't find the skirt on the EU site. July 20th, 2021 [12:21] I fell out of crushdom but that guy won't leave me alone. He's a fucking creep lol. Good thing I realized it early. A typical Jared Leto Joker wannabe who doesn't seem to understand rejection or know how to take a hint when he asks for a song recommendation and I send Hayley Kiyoko's "Girls Like Girls". July 4th, 2021 [01:40] Happy 4th of July you American bastards. Everything went fine with my crush, we've actually hung out a few more times. He invited my friend and I to a party after the movie and that was really fun, we went to an abandoned fire station as well. Four days ago he and I went to a lake, just the two of us, checked out an abandoned house and then sat there by the water talking for a few hours. He drove me home on his moped, I wanted to lean against his back but it would've been weird so I decided against it. The day before yesterday my friend and I met up with him and one of his friends in town. We went to his friend's house, watched South Park for a while, then we just fucked around at our old schoolyards until sometime around midnight. Our friends were walking ahead of us at one point, and he brought up yet another abandoned house and asked if I wanted to go there with him someday soon. Of course I said yeah. I'm nervous about fucking all of this up. I don't know how he sees this from his perspective, did he think of us hanging out alone as a date? Did he want it to be a date? Does he like me at all? June 24th, 2021 [19:40] My crush is coming over tomorrow and a friend of mine as well, we're going to watch a movie or two together. I still need to finish cleaning my room and pick out something to wear. I'm really fucking nervous. June 15th, 2021 [14:41] Yo. Having a Columbine phase revival atm. I made a NATURAL SELECTION stencil yesterday and used an old white t-shirt I was gonna get rid of anyway to recreate Eric's shirt. Next time I go thrifting I will pick up a black t-shirt to make a WRATH one, like Dylan's. June 9th, 2021 [21:45] Smells like Shane Dawson lookalike on this site rn. May 13th, 2021 [00:00] Huzzah. I'm still alive, as you can tell because I'm here writing this entry. I got a pair of Demonia Swing-230s, they arrived yesterday. Sizing is a bit off so they're too big, but I'll get some soles to fill them in with. For now I've stuffed pieces of fabric in the toe area. Scuffed temporary fix, I know. Best I could do. School's still going shit, I'm still stressed the fuck out over everything and behind in all of my courses. I wish things would just settle down for once. On a good note, my great grandma gave me a bunch of art supplies because she's moving to Finland at the end of this month. Among the supplies there is plenty of oil paint, which is really fun and satisfying to use. I'm starting to feel more and more unhappy with my social circle as the days pass by. There's only one person in it who has no flaws that annoy or irritate me. This is extremely bothersome, because that person is not the person I've been referring to as my "closest classmate" for the longest fucking time. I wanna distance myself from her and just hang with this other girl (the not-annoying one). I can't. It's impossible to get away from someone when we're a part of the same friend group. Everything she does annoys me endlessly. From chewing with her mouth open like a disgusting fucking pig to invalidating my art and making me feel bad about myself, everything is tainted by hatred that keeps building up. How can I do something about this? I notice ONE thing and then suddenly ALL OF IT angers me. She probably knows that I've started drifting away from her, because when I try to just stick around my favourite classmate/friend, she very obviously inserts herself into the conversation as to not be left out. Well FUCK OFF and STAY OUT OF IT. You disgust me!!! Fucking pig. Learn some manners and etiquette before you even dare be in my presence. I hate gross people. How damn hard is it for that filth to take a hint? Soon I'll be pushed over the edge and tell her to fuck off and die or something. Everything that comes out of her mouth is either a backhanded compliment or sarcastic and bored replies to anything other people talk about, because she only cares about whatever retarded fucking shit she herself has to say. April 20th, 2021 [22:11] Well it's 420 today. The 22nd anniversary of the Columbine shooting. For the first time since 2017, this date hasn't been miserable and sad for me. I spent today talking to my friends on Discord. I'm quarantined because my older brother has corona, so we can only talk through vc at the moment. It was so much fun. Extremely fun. Today's been good. I'd write something super long and thought out, but I've done that each anniversary the past 4 years so there's not much I can say that hasn't already been said. To the victims, all 15 of you, I hope you're at peace. I hope the continous tragedy will end someday.