July 20th, 2021 [12:21] I fell out of crushdom but that guy won't leave me alone. He's a fucking creep lol. Good thing I realized it early. A typical Jared Leto Joker wannabe who doesn't seem to understand rejection or know how to take a hint when he asks for a song recommendation and I send Hayley Kiyoko's "Girls Like Girls". July 4th, 2021 [01:40] Happy 4th of July you American bastards. Everything went fine with my crush, we've actually hung out a few more times. He invited my friend and I to a party after the movie and that was really fun, we went to an abandoned fire station as well. Four days ago he and I went to a lake, just the two of us, checked out an abandoned house and then sat there by the water talking for a few hours. He drove me home on his moped, I wanted to lean against his back but it would've been weird so I decided against it. The day before yesterday my friend and I met up with him and one of his friends in town. We went to his friend's house, watched South Park for a while, then we just fucked around at our old schoolyards until sometime around midnight. Our friends were walking ahead of us at one point, and he brought up yet another abandoned house and asked if I wanted to go there with him someday soon. Of course I said yeah. I'm nervous about fucking all of this up. I don't know how he sees this from his perspective, did he think of us hanging out alone as a date? Did he want it to be a date? Does he like me at all? June 24th, 2021 [19:40] My crush is coming over tomorrow and a friend of mine as well, we're going to watch a movie or two together. I still need to finish cleaning my room and pick out something to wear. I'm really fucking nervous. June 15th, 2021 [14:41] Yo. Having a Columbine phase revival atm. I made a NATURAL SELECTION stencil yesterday and used an old white t-shirt I was gonna get rid of anyway to recreate Eric's shirt. Next time I go thrifting I will pick up a black t-shirt to make a WRATH one, like Dylan's. June 9th, 2021 [21:45] Smells like Shane Dawson lookalike on this site rn. May 13th, 2021 [00:00] Huzzah. I'm still alive, as you can tell because I'm here writing this entry. I got a pair of Demonia Swing-230s, they arrived yesterday. Sizing is a bit off so they're too big, but I'll get some soles to fill them in with. For now I've stuffed pieces of fabric in the toe area. Scuffed temporary fix, I know. Best I could do. School's still going shit, I'm still stressed the fuck out over everything and behind in all of my courses. I wish things would just settle down for once. On a good note, my great grandma gave me a bunch of art supplies because she's moving to Finland at the end of this month. Among the supplies there is plenty of oil paint, which is really fun and satisfying to use. I'm starting to feel more and more unhappy with my social circle as the days pass by. There's only one person in it who has no flaws that annoy or irritate me. This is extremely bothersome, because that person is not the person I've been referring to as my "closest classmate" for the longest fucking time. I wanna distance myself from her and just hang with this other girl (the not-annoying one). I can't. It's impossible to get away from someone when we're a part of the same friend group. Everything she does annoys me endlessly. From chewing with her mouth open like a disgusting fucking pig to invalidating my art and making me feel bad about myself, everything is tainted by hatred that keeps building up. How can I do something about this? I notice ONE thing and then suddenly ALL OF IT angers me. She probably knows that I've started drifting away from her, because when I try to just stick around my favourite classmate/friend, she very obviously inserts herself into the conversation as to not be left out. Well FUCK OFF and STAY OUT OF IT. You disgust me!!! Fucking pig. Learn some manners and etiquette before you even dare be in my presence. I hate gross people. How damn hard is it for that filth to take a hint? Soon I'll be pushed over the edge and tell her to fuck off and die or something. Everything that comes out of her mouth is either a backhanded compliment or sarcastic and bored replies to anything other people talk about, because she only cares about whatever retarded fucking shit she herself has to say. April 20th, 2021 [22:11] Well it's 420 today. The 22nd anniversary of the Columbine shooting. For the first time since 2017, this date hasn't been miserable and sad for me. I spent today talking to my friends on Discord. I'm quarantined because my older brother has corona, so we can only talk through vc at the moment. It was so much fun. Extremely fun. Today's been good. I'd write something super long and thought out, but I've done that each anniversary the past 4 years so there's not much I can say that hasn't already been said. To the victims, all 15 of you, I hope you're at peace. I hope the continous tragedy will end someday.