September 19th, 2021 [20:20]
Happy today cause I fixed up some of my
bedroom. My mom and I worked together to
put shelves above my desk and a mirror on
the wall next to my bed. There's also a
bulletin board above my desk now, cause
I've always wanted one. Put fairy lights
along the shelves so it's super cozy. My
grandma gave me a new office chair which
is SO much more comfortable than the
wooden kitchen chair I'd been using for
ages. Unhappy in general with how much
junk I have eaten not just this weekend
but on regular days too. I've gained
weight like a fat fucking pig and my skin
is probably going to break out. I've
binged the fuck out of Sex Education on
Netflix and have already reached season 3
and the show is surprisingly good,
considering I fucking hate sex scenes.
September 17th, 2021 [22:11]
Shit, I know it's been a month but I am
still alive. Admittedly I did forget about
my site for a while and only just now
remembered that I should probably update
or something. Just to say that I'm okay.
Well I wasn't okay for a minute (more than
a minute) but things have calmed down.
To sum it up I had a shit argument with my
mom, surprise surprise, and she wants me
out after graduation. Out as in she wants
to kick me out and doesn't care where I go
or what the fuck happens to me lol. Cool
right? Anyway school started back up a
month ago to the day and it's been pretty
chill which I'm very happy about. I got a
bad cold and had to miss almost two full
weeks worth of classes but I didn't fall
behind much. I'm in love with someone who
has been inactive for god knows how long,
so they'll probably never see that I tried
to message them. Not on here of course but
a (shocker) dating app. Yes I love him. Yes
that's such a stupid thing to say considering
most guys are fuckboys and the fact that
it's on a fucking dating app and that I've
never interacted with him aside from visiting
his profile 30 times a day. His inactivity
probably means that he's in a happy
relationship with some lucky girl, or he
got bored of the app and deleted it.
Manifesting his return. I just got to
thinking about how much I've matured since
I first made my OG site on Neocities. It's
crazy to think that I was only in 8th grade
back then, and now I'm in my last year of
college. I'll go to university and study
criminology if I get in next year. Maybe
meet some better friends. I hope I'm one of
those people who can turn their life around
and leave behind their shitty past. Actually
looking forward to it.
August 12th, 2021 [15:25]
Bought a really pretty dress at H&M, but
the cashier didn't fucking remove the alarm
so I have to go back with the receipt and
get it taken off. Also stopped by Brandy
Melville in person for the first time, I
did buy the Tate Langdon-looking sweater
online earlier this year. From BM, I got
a short sleeve baseball t-shirt and a
cute tank top. I love getting new clothes.
They had a nice skirt on display, but it
wasn't being sold in the actual store for
some reason? Maybe I can find it on the
website. Ok, I went on the site and the
names of the tops I got are: Bella Rib Top
in Ivory And Blue, Ronnie Strawberry Fields
'96 Tour Tank. Couldn't find the skirt on
the EU site.
July 20th, 2021 [12:21]
I fell out of crushdom but that guy won't
leave me alone. He's a fucking creep lol.
Good thing I realized it early. A typical
Jared Leto Joker wannabe who doesn't
seem to understand rejection or know how
to take a hint when he asks for a song
recommendation and I send Hayley Kiyoko's
"Girls Like Girls".
July 4th, 2021 [01:40]
Happy 4th of July you American bastards.
Everything went fine with my crush,
we've actually hung out a few more times.
He invited my friend and I to a party
after the movie and that was really fun,
we went to an abandoned fire station as
well. Four days ago he and I went to
a lake, just the two of us, checked out
an abandoned house and then sat there
by the water talking for a few hours.
He drove me home on his moped, I
wanted to lean against his back but it
would've been weird so I decided against
it. The day before yesterday my friend
and I met up with him and one of his
friends in town. We went to his friend's
house, watched South Park for a while,
then we just fucked around at our old
schoolyards until sometime around
midnight. Our friends were walking ahead
of us at one point, and he brought up
yet another abandoned house and asked if
I wanted to go there with him someday
soon. Of course I said yeah. I'm nervous
about fucking all of this up. I don't
know how he sees this from his perspective,
did he think of us hanging out alone as a
date? Did he want it to be a date? Does
he like me at all?
June 24th, 2021 [19:40]
My crush is coming over tomorrow and a
friend of mine as well, we're going to
watch a movie or two together. I still
need to finish cleaning my room and pick
out something to wear. I'm really fucking
June 15th, 2021 [14:41]
Yo. Having a Columbine phase revival atm.
I made a NATURAL SELECTION stencil
yesterday and used an old white t-shirt I
was gonna get rid of anyway to recreate
Eric's shirt. Next time I go thrifting I
will pick up a black t-shirt to make a
WRATH one, like Dylan's.
June 9th, 2021 [21:45]
Smells like Shane Dawson lookalike on this
May 13th, 2021 [00:00]
Huzzah. I'm still alive, as you can tell
because I'm here writing this entry. I got
a pair of Demonia Swing-230s, they arrived
yesterday. Sizing is a bit off so they're too
big, but I'll get some soles to fill them in
with. For now I've stuffed pieces of fabric
in the toe area. Scuffed temporary fix, I
know. Best I could do. School's still going
shit, I'm still stressed the fuck out over
everything and behind in all of my courses.
I wish things would just settle down for once.
On a good note, my great grandma gave me a
bunch of art supplies because she's moving
to Finland at the end of this month. Among
the supplies there is plenty of oil paint,
which is really fun and satisfying to use.
I'm starting to feel more and more unhappy
with my social circle as the days pass by.
There's only one person in it who has no
flaws that annoy or irritate me. This is
extremely bothersome, because that person
is not the person I've been referring to as
my "closest classmate" for the longest
fucking time. I wanna distance myself from
her and just hang with this other girl
(the not-annoying one). I can't. It's
impossible to get away from someone when
we're a part of the same friend group.
Everything she does annoys me endlessly.
From chewing with her mouth open like a
disgusting fucking pig to invalidating my
art and making me feel bad about myself,
everything is tainted by hatred that keeps
building up. How can I do something about
this? I notice ONE thing and then suddenly
ALL OF IT angers me. She probably knows that
I've started drifting away from her, because
when I try to just stick around my favourite
classmate/friend, she very obviously inserts
herself into the conversation as to not be
left out. Well FUCK OFF and STAY OUT OF IT.
You disgust me!!! Fucking pig. Learn some
manners and etiquette before you even dare
be in my presence. I hate gross people. How
damn hard is it for that filth to take a
hint? Soon I'll be pushed over the edge and
tell her to fuck off and die or something.
Everything that comes out of her mouth is
either a backhanded compliment or sarcastic
and bored replies to anything other people
talk about, because she only cares about
whatever retarded fucking shit she herself
has to say.
April 20th, 2021 [22:11]
Well it's 420 today. The 22nd anniversary of
the Columbine shooting. For the first time
since 2017, this date hasn't been miserable
and sad for me. I spent today talking to my
friends on Discord. I'm quarantined because
my older brother has corona, so we can only
talk through vc at the moment. It was so much
fun. Extremely fun. Today's been good. I'd
write something super long and thought out,
but I've done that each anniversary the past
4 years so there's not much I can say that
hasn't already been said. To the victims,
all 15 of you, I hope you're at peace. I
hope the continous tragedy will end someday.