Things I love
(because sometimes I focus too much on hate)

My cat. I love my cat more than anything or anyone in the entire world, he's my #1 best friend and I'd do absolutely anything for him.

Hyperfixating, which might sound a bit weird to some but I actually really love focusing so intently on something and learning everything about it, because it makes me happy whether it be a TV show like Glee or a true crime case like Columbine.

Making people laugh. It's so validating to crack a joke and have someone express that they found it funny.

Being creative. If I couldn't make art I wouldn't really see the point in doing anything at all. The ability to create things with my own two hands is something I'll always cherish.

My friends, because they're there for me when I need them and they don't shame me for being who I am. I used to have no one, and now I have these people who care about me without ulterior motives. They even opened their homes to me when my mom said she was gonna kick me out, said they'd come pick me up in the middle of the night if I asked. I'm so thankful for their friendship.

Daydreaming. I can be anywhere, anyone, and do anything in my daydream universe.

Old stuff, like retro/vintage fashion, furniture and cars n' all that jazz. MUSIC TOO OF COURSE. 1940's to 2000's is what I focus on mostly.

MONEY. I FUCKING LOVE MONEY. Sadly I don't have much of it.

Singing, I love expressing myself through song but I only do it when I'm home alone. I don't care if I sound bad, I do it because I think it's fun and because I can.

This relates a bit to the friends bit, but I love having mutuals. It makes me feel so connected to the world around me. Even if it's just someone on here who likes my site updates or someone on Instagram who comments on my posts. Having those connections makes me feel less alone, it makes me feel seen. I may not have plenty of close people in my life but I have those who care about what I put out there and make sure that I know it. If I ever lost that, I don't know what I'd do.

Those moments when you briefly connect with a random stranger. Like if you both witness something ridiculous and chuckle at it, or making eye contact with someone and sharing a smile. Usually I hate eye contact but in those specific moments I think it's really grounding, because it's easy for me to feel disconnected and out of this world. But then making eye contact, which I think is a pretty intimate thing, with a total stranger on the bus or something and they smile? It really reminds me that the world is full of other people, and this one person chose to smile at me out of all those people. There was this one person who used to ride the same bus as me every morning and they always smiled at me when they stepped on. I miss that.

My grandma, my uncles and my Finnish relatives. I don't know anyone on my dad's side of the family and I barely even speak to my dad, much less see him, so being close those on my mom's side of the family means a lot to me even if I'm not close with my mom. My grandma is especially great, because she's so understanding and is always there for me. The times when I ran away from home she let me stay at her house and didn't force me to go back. She takes me out on little trips sometimes, lets me do arts and crafts when I visit, comes over and cooks when my mom isn't home. My family has lived with her a few times too.

The idea of true love. Everyday I imagine falling in mutual love with someone. It sounds so sad but it's true. I'm such a lonely person when it comes to "relationships", I've literally never been in one before and I doubt I ever will be, but at least the idea of it makes me happy. Even if it's just some stupid daydream about having a boyfriend or girlfriend, that shit's gonna lift my spirits.

The Gameboy I got from my uncles when I was a little kid. It doesn't work anymore, I can turn it on but nothing happens after the start screen plays. I miss playing Pokémon and Bomberman. I wonder if there's a way to fix it or if the damage is permanent. Edit: IT FUCKING WORKS YO